I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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