SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
