did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
