sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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