One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
