we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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