Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
