Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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