I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
