Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
