What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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