I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
