She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
