I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
