We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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