I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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