new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
