he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
