I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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