I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
