I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
