DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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