I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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