I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
