Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
