I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
