I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
