you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
