so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
