Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
