Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
