I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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