it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's blow job season.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
