I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
try to milk me bitch
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
