Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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