he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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