I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
