i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
