I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
