We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I look better un-naked...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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