What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
