he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
