she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
