Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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