PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
