he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
