She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
