I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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