:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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