I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
