I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
COCAINE IS GR8
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
