Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
