I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
