yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
