By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
