Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
